He Will Be There

"Wake up! Wake up! He's alive! Go get him! He's really alive!" I was screaming this to my conscience self in my dream. He was there. I saw him. He told me he had been quarantined for 12 years because of a rare disease that he had contracted and the government claimed him dead.  And he was there. Standing in front of me and ready to embrace me and my small, beautiful child.  "Wake up!  Go get him!" I kept trying to rouse myself from the dream. I yearned to touch him and hug him. I had to go find him. My daughter would have her grandpa after all and I would have my dad. And he was really there until I opened my eyes and found myself staring at the wall and he was gone. Logically, I tried to determine whether or not my father really could be alive stranded somewhere, but it was only a dream. And he wasn't really there. "Where is he?" I pondered this for several minutes as I situated my inconvenient belly closer to my sleeping husband to feel his warmth.  My sweet baby seemed to know the answer as she continuously kicked and flipped around within me. And I thought, "Yes, she would have her grandpa for a little while longer, and in time, I would have my dad.  And he will be there ready to embrace me. But for now, I have my sleeping angel here and I am happy. Yes, I am happy right here."

20/20 Hindsight VS. 20/20 Futuresight

Today I have been contemplating: what exactly is peace?

In the dictionary, peace is basically defined as either a state of tranquility or non-waring nations. What I wanted to know was what is the Lord's definition of peace? In Elder Holland's talk "Come and See" he described what peace really means:

The Lord has probably spoken enough such comforting words to supply the whole universe, it would seem, and yet we see all around us unhappy Latter-day Saints, worried Latter-day Saints, gloomy Latter-day Saints into whose troubled hearts not one of these innumerable consoling words seems to be allowed to enter. Consider, for example, the Savior’s benediction upon his disciples even as he moved toward the pain and agony of Gethsemane and Calvary. On the very night of the greatest suffering the world will ever know, he said: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. … Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” (John 14:27).

That may be one of the Savior’s commandments that is, even in the hearts of otherwise faithful Latter-day Saints, almost universally disobeyed; and yet I wonder whether our resistance to this invitation could be any more grievous to the Lord’s merciful heart.

I thought it was interesting to find out that peace is an actual commandment. Essentially, when I am not at peace, I lack complete faith and trust in God. So, I have been trying to work at being at peace. Which to me means not worrying about all that is going on around me, but trusting that everything will work out. One of my father's favorite scriptures was "All things work together for good to them that love God." If I truly love God, then I shouldn't have to worry because everything will work out the way it needs to work out.

Using 20/20 hindsight vision, it is easy to see the principle of this message. When I was in college,  I worried I wouldn't marry well or that I wouldn't marry at all. For some reason, this caused a lot of stress in my life and a lot of uneasiness. Usually, the times I was most depressed over it were the times I was the furthest away from the Holy Ghost. Then, I was married to the most amazing man and that solved that worry. Only, there was more worries to add. I kept thinking, "What if I am never able to get pregnant." We tried for two years and weren't successful. We had miscarriages and I became extremely stressed about the situation. I was worried I would never get to have my own child. Now, almost 8 months pregnant, I worry whether or not the baby will be healthy. It really is ridiculous and needs to stop. I need to take God's commandment to heart and not be troubled or afraid.

What is peace? Perhaps peace is the ability to fully trust in God's plan. What brings more peace than knowing everything will be okay? I can't think of anything. Who needs 20/20 hindsight when we all have the ability to have 20/20 future-sight?

"Life is Good"

We bought a whole bunch of new socks from the Black Friday sock sale last week so I have been getting rid of all of our heavily worn clothes and socks. While doing this I found these pair of socks:

I'm not sure if you can read the writing on the sock but it says, "Life is good!" These pair of socks are completely hashed and yet I really struggled to throw them in the trash. Why? Because John gave them to me three years ago for Christmas. He knew that I hated cold feet so he bought me this simple gift. I think the writing on them explains my feelings perfectly right now. I just can't help but feel overwhelmingly blessed for John. He constantly teaches me that life can be full of adventures during adversity. He teaches me that life is good. And it is good!