Madelyn had been screaming literally all night and it was something like 3:00 A.M. I could see John's head nodding off as he walked Madelyn around our room. I had procrastinated offering to take her because my exhaustion had reached the point of reality confusion. I wasn't sure if the little thing was really my baby and somewhere in my brain I was lying in my college bed dreaming a bit of a nightmare. It was my turn to try and calm her down; I sat up and took her from John. He laid down and immediately fell asleep exhausted, even though Madelyn was screaming in truly high pitched decibels. I decided instead of trying to calm her down, I would just let her scream it out. So I sat and held her on my bed. I rocked her, gently patting her back, and began to softly sing "I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus." Madelyn's scream somehow managed to get louder. I could barely make out the words from the song, "I wait for the day of gladness when Jesus will come again." I stopped singing and thought to myself, "Who is Jesus? Was he a real man? Is he really my Savior? " Then, a recent primary song I learned found its way through my voice, "A long time ago in a beautiful place, children were gathered ’round Jesus. He blessed and taught as they felt of His love. Each saw the tears on His face." At this point Madelyn was still screaming and I began to cry tears of frustration. The words of the song became broken in a crying-sing-song voice completely off tune, "The love that He felt for His little ones I know He feels for me. I did not touch Him or sit on His knee, yet, Jesus is real to me."
As soon as I finished singing the words "Jesus is real to me," I immediately felt an overwhelming comfort. My heart swelled and the tears of frustration turned to tears of faith and conviction. I held Madelyn tighter as she continued to wail and sang the second verse softly. By time I got to the chorus, Madelyn's scream became a whimper and my voice semi came back, "I know he lives, I will follow faithfully. My heart I give to Him, I know that my Savior loves me." The lyrics in the song rang true and even though the whimpering and bursts of crying continued, I felt like I was holding my precious girl in the comforting stillness of the Savior. I bowed my head and unconsciously continued to rock Madelyn, trying to transfer the comfort I had felt to her little body. She still cried and I wondered how long my night would last, how long her night would last. I kissed her. Never had I felt so at ease with an overwhelming feeling of love coming from my Father to me, to my beautiful, perfect baby.