Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Questions Have Been Answered . . . Again!

Madelyn had been screaming literally all night and it was something like 3:00 A.M. I could see John's head nodding off as he walked Madelyn around our room. I had procrastinated offering to take her because my exhaustion had reached the point of reality confusion. I wasn't sure if the little thing was really my baby and somewhere in my brain I was lying in my college bed dreaming a bit of a nightmare. It was my turn to try and calm her down; I sat up and took her from John. He laid down and immediately fell asleep exhausted, even though Madelyn was screaming in truly high pitched decibels. I decided instead of trying to calm her down, I would just let her scream it out. So I sat and held her on my bed. I rocked her, gently patting her back, and began to softly sing "I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus." Madelyn's scream somehow managed to get louder. I could barely make out the words from the song, "I wait for the day of gladness when Jesus will come again." I stopped singing and thought to myself, "Who is Jesus? Was he a real man? Is he really my Savior? "  Then, a  recent primary song I learned found its way through my voice, "A long time ago in a beautiful place, children were gathered ’round Jesus. He blessed and taught as they felt of His love. Each saw the tears on His face." At this point Madelyn was still screaming and I began to cry tears of frustration. The words of the song became broken in a crying-sing-song voice completely off tune, "The love that He felt for His little ones I know He feels for me. I did not touch Him or sit on His knee, yet, Jesus is real to me."

As soon as I finished singing the words "Jesus is real to me," I immediately felt an overwhelming comfort. My heart swelled and the tears of frustration turned to tears of faith and conviction. I held Madelyn tighter as she continued to wail and sang the second verse softly. By time I got to the chorus, Madelyn's scream became a whimper and my voice semi came back, "I know he lives, I will follow faithfully. My heart I give to Him, I know that my Savior loves me." The lyrics in the song rang true and even though the whimpering and bursts of crying continued, I felt like I was holding my precious girl in the comforting stillness of the Savior. I bowed my head and unconsciously continued to rock Madelyn, trying to transfer the comfort I had felt to her little body. She still cried and I wondered how long my night would last, how long her night would last. I kissed her. Never had I felt so at ease with an overwhelming feeling of love coming from my Father to me, to my beautiful, perfect baby.


  1. Sorry she wouldn't stop crying. Does she have a cold or is she colicky? My biggest pet peeve is all the mom's who talk about how well there baby sleeps. It drives me nuts, mostly because I'm pretty sure they are lying, and secondly maybe they are sleeping well for a couple days, but it never lasts. There are very few good sleepers, I've learned. I'm glad you had such a comforting experience.

  2. That is one of the hardest things about being a parent, but I can tell you are the best mom. I cried when I read this, mainly because I have been in your shoes late at night with a screaming child and second because it is true, our Savior does live. Thanks Pam! I needed that. I drove by Spring City today and thought of you!

  3. What a rough night! Is it the reflux that is keeping her up? I hope you and John can both get some rest, as well as your precious little one.

    I have learned being in the sunbeams, that the primary lessons and songs aren't just for the little children, they are meant to teach us as well. They are full of such sweet simple truths, like why we should all be grateful for our eyes, nose, ears, and the birds, insects, and animals. The primary songs are full of such sweet comfort! Adam had kind of a comfort song, I would sing "I lived in Heaven" to him and most of the time he would settle down and stop crying. Not all the time, but a lot of time. Singing the primary songs to him really helps with him....and like you said, it brings great comfort to you too, even when they don't stop crying.
    I had a similar experience, I started singing "A Child's Prayer" wondering if I could ever get him to settle down and that's when a feeling a peace swept over me letting me know that my Savior was there and He knew what was going on.

    Hope everything is going well for your sweet family.

  4. That is one of my favorite songs and reasons that I love primary! Each song has such a deep meaning and brings back the simpleness of the gospel! These are the experiences that really confirm our testimony and faith. I hope everything is going well. I love reading your blog. You are such an eloquent writer and good at expressing yourself. I'm envious! Love you and miss you too!