#28 - Grateful for my Sharon Bear

I had just had a tonsillectomy with an adenoidectomy at the same time to correct some major sinus problems I was having. I felt like I was a Frankenstein reviving from the dead with blackish eyes and plastic stints hanging from my nose. My face ached from ear to ear and my throat felt like it was no longer a needed body part because eating and drinking was so hard for me to do. I believe it was Day 2 after my surgery, John had to work and I was feeling miserable, isolated, and lonely. My mother was out of town and all of my sisters lived far away. All of the sudden, I heard a knock on my door and someone took the liberty of letting themselves in. Immediately, when I heard the name “Maps” called out, my body filled with warmth and I began to cry. It was Sharon Oler, a good college friend of mine, who had driven from Pocatello to Centerville, Utah to check on me and see how I was doing. She brought me some beautiful flowers and enough homemade soup for me to eat the next couple of days. Tears were streaming down my swollen cheeks and in her soft, cute voice she said, “Oh honey, you don’t need to cry. I just came down to check on you.” But my tears were tears of pure gratitude, and I was so full of it that they seeped uncontrollably. I just couldn’t believe I had a friend who loved me enough to drive down from Pocatello to make me soup and give me flowers. Sharon sat with me for a while and asked if there was anything else she could do for me; I had her help me with a few things. If I remember right, she helped straighten up my room and cleared some dishes. Then about an hour later said, “I have to go home now but I love you and am here for you.” I asked her where she needed to be and she said she needed to go into work. Again, it just boggled my mind that she would go at such great lengths to show she cared for me when her schedule was so crazy. So I cried after she left, only my tears remained grateful, not frustrated and self-pitying because I knew when Sharon said, “I’m here for you,” she really meant it.

Another time when I was going through a rough time, Sharon sent me a personalized teddy-bear. Now every time I look at it, it reminds me of one of my favorite things about Sharon: her bear hugs. Her hugs have a way of making me feel like all is right in the world. Seriously, there is such thing as the gift of hugging and Sharon undoubtedly has it. Her hugs make the world melt away and make you realize you are standing on a reviving earth full of wholeness. I miss those hugs so much.

When I was first married, my husband and I moved to Centerville and although we were living in my hometown with family, I felt lonely. John was going to school and working full time and I was trying to juggle my degree and some health problems that made it difficult for me to work, which for someone extroverted like me made the days go by very slow as I was alone a lot. Sharon kept me from going insane. She’d let me talk and talk and talk over the phone with her and she just listened to me. Never judged me—just loved me. She visited me a few times and every time she did, I didn’t want her to leave. I wished she lived down the street from me. But alas, she was meant to be in Idaho where she met her husband and happily settled down to start a family in Oregon. She now lives in the D.C. area and I still wish she lived down the street from me. Perhaps one day.

Sharon, thank you so much for your friendship and for the sacrifices you made for me while I was struggling with self-doubt and health problems. Thanks for your pep talks and for making me feel special no matter what. I’m so happy you have found your own happily ever after. Stay in touch with me when you have the time.

Miss you,

Maps

#27 The Fight Against America's Sexism

I can't believe there are only 22 days until Thanksgiving. That went by pretty quickly. It just goes to say how important it is to keep some sort of a journal or blog because life keeps on going whether we record it or not. With only 4 people left to highlight for my challenge, I hope to finish before Thanksgiving 2012 if my capabilities of getting on the internet permits.

Many of you know that I am a feminist to the core. That being said, I am a feminist who believes men and women are made equal with different talents and capabilities. Eva Burrows eloquently said, “We have to be careful in this era of radical feminism, not to emphasize an equality of the sexes that leads women to imitate men to prove their equality. To be equal does not mean you have to be the same.”

I love that quote because it is exactly how I feel as a stay-at-home mother who happens to be a Mormon feminist at the same time. Why, may you ask, is it so important I share this when we live in an age when a woman can do just about anything? Well, because sexism is still rampant around the world and I believe women are in some ways shown less respect now than ever before in some of our mainstream media. Although women are cast in more powerful roles today, there is still this perception that most women are similar to the ones in reality TV shows like The Bachelor: fake, foolish, and feisty. They are portrayed as sex symbols rather than symbols of intelligence, nurturance, and virtue. They make women everywhere needlessly worry more and more about their body image and whether or not they’re fit and fashionable; they confuse women about the reality of beauty, real beauty, not the kind that is just skin deep and can be fixed by Botox or with the click of a mouse. I’ve noticed even women in highly powerful positions—doctors, FBI agents, lawyers, and so forth—have to have the sex appeal added to their intelligence. This, I believe, is taking generations of women in the wrong direction, and it’s sexism at its finest. It’s not saying, “Hey, I am proud to be me without all of the cover-up, style, and glamour.” Of course, the prevalence of pornography addictions which objectify women more and more in these degrading, fake roles only make the cycle continue to worsen as men bully their wives to look more like the facades they are so used to viewing, and women grow more and more depressed because they do not look like their media counterparts.

I love how Susan Douglas puts it, “Young women today are pulled between the message that they can do or be anything they want, that the world is their oyster [and that] full female equality has been achieved—and, on the other hand, there is enormous pressure to conform to this hyper-feminine ideal of hotness and beauty.”

I’ll be the first to admit that it is hard to fight against that pressure to conform, but we must stand up to it and say, “Hey, I can be beautiful by just being me, a healthy me.”

This is why I wanted to add to my grateful list twin sisters who began another woman’s suffrage persay by redefining beauty. Their names are Lexie Kite and Lindsay Kite and you can find their website here: www.beautyredefined.net. A friend whom I deeply admire, Candace Woodbury, is on Lexie and Lindsay’s team to fight an ever growing battle of the definition of beauty.

Before Candace told me about this movement, I had a different idea of what beauty looked like and I felt I was not it. When John would look at me and say, “Honey, you are so gorgeous, really you are.” I would be upset with him because I felt like he was lying to me. The more I read Lexie and Lindsay’s blog, the more I realized that John was right and that I am beauty redefined, and it’s more than okay to be comfortable just being me. Which, I am still in the process of discovering.

Anyways, thanks to all on the Beauty Redefined team, your non-profit work is much like Elizabeth Cady Stanton’s speech at Seneca Falls. I hope and pray it will go down in history and women can stop the fake madness and redefine beauty, which is essentially redefining womanhood. 

*Hope you don't mind that I posted your photo to showcase your awesome group.

#26 My Daring, Tender Companion

So we have had the privilege of moving into the semi-dark ages these past couple of months (my computer crashed, my phone landed in a flood of water, the internet we can't afford, and TV we choose not to have). I am finding myself more busy than I have been since college without these time distracters and I love it. I do however miss blogging. So, while I have the internet now and my laptop is fixed, I thought I'd share a little post.

This blog post has been in my thoughts for some time now and the truth is that I am positive I won't do it justice nor will I really be able to adequately describe my feelings; however, despite this, I know I cannot complete my gratitude list without it. So here I go. 

I think it is cute when people post on Facebook that they are dating or are married to the most wonderful man in the world. The day I married John, I could have testified that there was no such love more powerful on the earth than ours, and that I was marrying, of course, THE most wonderful man in the world. I felt the love we shared was special and rare. It wasn't too many months after our ceremony when I discovered almost every newly-wed couple felt that way and our special love may have been special to us but it was not as uncommon as I first supposed. First, I need to say I am extremely grateful others can also have the opportunity to feel the joy of a happy marriage and be married to the most wonderful man in the world. Second, I need to say that it doesn't negate the fact that I feel utterly grateful to experience life hand-in-hand with my forever sweetheart who just happens to be the most incredible man in the world (how's that for redundancy?).  ;)

John has an uncanny amount of caring in his heart. He cares deeply for everyone in his life and even people who he has never met. And something I find incredible about his caring is that it is 100% genuine. When he asks people how they are or when he tries to get to know them, he does it because he honestly wants to get to know them and is genuinely concerned about their life. This mega Christ-like attribute of his is one of the reasons I was so attracted to him in High School. He wasn't a façade, he was just John Colby: random, fun-loving, giving, complimentary, happy, `what -you-see-is-what-you-get type of guy. In a time that was extremely difficult for me, John saw past the shy, tired-of-life sophomore girl, and befriended me. He was the only guy that ever called me to talk and hang out and he was the only guy I prayed to God that I could have the opportunity to date. Little did I know, my prayers would eventually be answered almost 4 years later, and little did I know God would grant me the blessing of not only 1 date but 1 plus a forever more.

A very succinct list of things I love about John:

1. It doesn't matter how much I am in the wrong, he's almost always the first to apologize for whatever "he did" to upset me. Sometimes if I am quick enough, I can beat him to the apology.
2. He is willing to do anything I ask of him (including buying sausage in the middle of the night because I am pregnant and WANT IT NOW) or sacrifice anything on behalf of me.
3. He cries with me when I cry because he feels so bad that I am hurting.
4. He makes me laugh and smile on a daily basis.

5. The bright side is the only side that really belongs to John.

6. He's not afraid to make mistakes because he knows he will learn from them.
7. He has an innate ability to bond with children and is an incredible father.
8. He's patient with me even if I'm not being patient with him.
9. He's faithful and loyal to both God and me.
10. He's all mine forever.

Longsfellow said, "The bravest are the tenderest. The loving are the daring." John's bravery inspires me; his heart is among the most sincere this world has ever wrought. The one truth I hold onto, the one evidence, indeed perhaps what sometimes feels to me to be the only evidence I have of God's existence is our marriage. If only I could love God as a tangible being--in the same way I give my heart to John. So often when I think of God, it's in an abstract way. When I think of John and see the Christlike person he is, God becomes more tangible. 

John, thank you for capturing life's most beloved secrets and sharing them with me. Thank you for teaching me how to play, laugh, and lighten up. Thank you for patiently waiting for me to find who I am without criticizing, judging, or condemning me. Thank you for choosing to stick it out with me at times most spouses would throw in the towel. Thank you for your constant companionship and love. Here's to an eternity of laughter, memories, and magical, electrifying moments. Lick the spoon off the oatmeal, I love my daring, tender man.